When I was reminded a few weeks ago that Lent was coming up, I groaned dismally. I believed that trudging through this insufferable and eternal winter was quite enough penance for one year, thank you. The constant frigid temperatures and never-ending snowfall have made this winter bitter.
Lent and those 40 days of hearing that awful song "Ashes" sung at church simply didn't appeal to me. And the thought of offering up any sort of sacrifice for another 40 days was absurd. Haven't we all given enough? Hasn't winter sucked us dry?
It seems everyone has been having a tough time of it, having emotional and mental meltdowns in the face of this interminable deep freeze. I have felt the crushing weight of the weather while struggling with a spiritual dryness and trying to make some real changes in my life, but change isn't happening fast enough for me.
I've come to realize though, after several of my own meltdowns and encouragement from the loving support I am so thankful to have, that I am doing all that I can do to make changes in my life. That, while life appears to be at a standstill, God still has more for me to learn where I am. It doesn't mean changes aren't coming, but that they need to come from within first.
I looked back at my attitude in the last few months and I saw that the bitter cold inside me was much more damaging than the cold outside. I've begun to change my attitude, to attempt to see everything as a gift, to attempt to move outside of my self and to really and truly see and love others. It's hard, but I'm trying. And I'm not foolish enough to try on my own--I'm seeking grace.
It's funny, in all these years I've been on my spiritual journey, I've never had such a strong desire to change. I think that has to do with the winter, because I am so desperately in need of springtime outside, I can feel that desire for Easter flooding my veins. Even as I go about my day at work and I am confronted with a particular problem, I pray for grace and I feel that Easter light rising within me. It doesn't last long, but it's there, I can taste it. Even though I fail five minutes later and give in to sin, I know that I'm on my way, supported by His love and mercy. I can taste the hope that Christ is coming, and that His Rising will be so very sweet.
So to all of you who may be struggling with this endlessly bitter winter, I pray that you find the love of God abiding within you, and welcome Him with joy and peace.
