divine mercy

a heart breaks and reaches
out,
grasping at air for a hand to bring
it back to safety
before the whole bridge comes tumbling down.

but the hand laughs and slaps the other cheek
before walking away.

the heart falls deeper
and deeper
drowning in dreams and blue eyes,
drowning in hopes and fears,
drowning in unmet expectations
and misunderstandings.

she fades
into the darkest shadows
but only here can she see the Light
that raised Love from the fall.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have Mercy on us and on the whole world.

The Alchemy of the Cross

I read this in my Magnificat one day:

"The Lord gathers up the tears of humanity and transforms them into the waters of life by the alchemy of the cross, where suffering and death are changed into joy and life by the self-gift of love."

And then I read it again:

 "The Lord gathers up the tears of humanity and transforms them into the waters of life by the alchemy of the cross, where suffering and death are changed into joy and life by the self-gift of love."

I see it:  the Lord walks among us, teaching, healing, collecting our salty tears--the blood of our souls.

I see him, Christ, drink the tears, swallowing our tears for us, being brave and strong for us like we can't be for ourselves.  He sits with his friends and drinks, sits in the garden and begs his Father to find another way.  He knows, though, that this is the only way.

He takes up the cross, and they beat him until he bleeds--the blood of the Lord, spilled out and given for us.  He carries his cross and they nail him to it.

He takes his last breath, and they pierce his side.  Blood and water pour out--baptism.  They lay him in the tomb and on the third day, he is gone.

He is risen, and he brings with him salvation and new life for us.

All this is the result of a gift of self for love.

In my study of Theology of the Body, this is a recurring theme:  self-gift of love.  It points to the sacrifice of Christ on the cross.  He did that for us, and if we are to follow him, we must be faithful in every aspect of our lives.

After Mass on Holy Thursday, Jesus' question to his disciples kept coming back to me:  "Do you know what I have done for you?"

On Good Friday I watched the priest and deacon process in in silence, and then lay face down on the ground in front of the altar. It struck me that this is what Christ has done--he laid his life down for us.  And the priests have done this in his example.

"Do you know what I have done for you?"

At the Easter vigil I counted my blessings, looking back at the many ways I could see how God saved me in grace, how he brought me where I am instead of taking me where I wanted to go for a specific reason--to give me new life.

The hard part now consists in dying to my old self, and giving myself completely out of love for him.

That reminds me of a funny experience I had about two years ago:  I was praying, and meditating on the Institution of the Eucharist when I suddenly heard John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler (from the 80s film Say Anything) in the back of my mind saying, "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."  I realized that it was the same with me and God.  I had given him the pen to write my story, but he had given me his whole heart.  He didn't just want my pen, to be the narrator of my story in an Emma Thompson from Stranger Than Fiction kind of way.  He wanted all of me.  Just as he gives himself to us in the Eucharist every single day, he wants all of us, not just a part of us.

He wants us to let him love us, just as we are.  Only when we let him love us can he turn our pain and sorrow into joy.

This is an incredibly beautiful post by Ann Voskamp shared by my beautiful future sister-in-law Kristin.  Thanks, Kristin!

Do enjoy. When You're Struggling Through Holy Week

The Great Flood

He's my big brother, and I'm one of his biggest fans, so this might sound biased, but Kevin Heider's new double-album The Spark is completely wonderful.

I started listening to the album two weeks ago when Kevin came home to visit for a few days, and I haven't stopped listening since.  The album is a wide range of fun and serious and everything in between.  The emotion and experiences he sings about are so real and honest, creative and meaningful, and every time I listen, I find new treasures. 

I say all this not merely as a shameless plug for my starving-artist-brother's benefit, but also because his song "The Great Flood" is a perfect reflection for us as we enter into the Holy Triduum.  The inspiration for this song came at a Holy Thursday mass when Kevin had his feet washed.  The great flood refers to our baptism, our being born again, the flood of grace and mercy we receive from partaking in the sacraments and passion of our Lord.

The song also features background vocals by the extremely talented Alanna-Marie Boudreau, and the heartbeat of my nephew Pierce (when he was still in-utero), who will soon receive the sacrament of baptism himself.  I encourage you to listen to the song and read the full explanation, and then to consider buying the album and spreading the word about Kevin's music.

Again, shameless plug.  Happy Holy Thursday!

Simple and Sweet

Heather King has done it again and I have to pass it along.

She so perfectly, simply, and sweetly explained the Church's 'laws' on human sexuality and summed up the entire Theology of the Body in her post Pope Francis.

Do read it.  You won't be sorry.

Overjoyed

I lift my eyes up for a moment,
and it's all He needs
to fill this heart
with grace sharp and sweet
until it overflows
and I am lost in Love.

There are no more answers than before,
but there is peace in the mystery.

I am Overjoyed.

Love Come Alive

If only the good die young, then why be good?

That's what I want to know.

Still I try

and fail most times

to live, give, and be love.

Words quench my thirst and spark a fire

that sets me on my knees before Your throne

as grace melts this hardened heart.

Grace floods 

in anticipation:

of a reunion with a dear friend

who saved me from myself;

in memories:

of words longed for but dared not spoken

until shouted unexpectedly across the hushed night,

words that didn't mean what I wanted,

but meant so much more

in the process:

of growing up and learning

just how much more those words mean,

how much more the Word means,

what it means that the Word became flesh,

that the Word dwelt among us,

that the Word dwells among us still,

that Love has come alive,

that we die and rise in Love,

that Love is the final reality.

"Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair." ~G.K. Chesterton

This is what it means--the Theology of the Body, to live love.