In every moment I am faced with the choice to embrace or deny Him. Unfortunately, I don't usually think about how the many little decisions I make each day will make Him feel, but how they will make me feel. It's so easy to deny Him, but loving Him hurts and requires more than merely going through the motions.
We are called to see Christ in others, but it's hard. It's hard to see Christ in someone who hurts us or our pride. It's hard to see Christ in someone who is being irrational or high maintenance. It's hard to see Christ in a spoiled brat or in your crazy, dysfunctional family.
I find that when I've ignored Christ in these people for too long, I eventually find myself out of excuses and on my knees in tears, all those ways I failed to love staring me in the face in the form of cuts and bruises and open, bleeding wounds on the cross.
It's hard to see Christ in others, but it's harder still to see what my sins have done to our Savior. It's hard to get angry about slow drivers when I'm looking at the Cross. It's hard to justify my lifestyle when I read about starving children in Africa.
Just above all those wounds that I've inflicted, though, I see the face of Christ. My tears wash a drop of blood off his feet, and He is consoled. I am consoled. We are not alone.
It's only when we embrace the Cross and all that comes with it--the pain, the heartache, the humiliation, the loneliness--that we are able to find that sliver of grace that allows us to smile patiently at the person annoying us, or to accept the humbling knowledge that we are the ones in the wrong. This grace is what opens our heart to true love--love for Christ and love for others.
I wish I was better at remembering that throughout my days. I wish I could look at every person I encounter and see Christ, but I usually only see myself. I wish I could live life as it is with a heart full of love and mercy, and not try to make it something it's not.
Whenever I find that I've strayed far from my Love, when I feel the weight of my sins as they catch up to me, when I fall to my knees trying to wade through the mess I've made, I remember how I fell in love with Jesus. I remember how He held me, how He picked up the pieces of my broken heart and slowly mended them back together. I remember how He is always faithful, that no matter how many times I fall, whenever I look up, I still see His loving face.
I remember this divine romance, how He lured me away from the darkness and into the light. I remember that it's as true today as it was when this romance first began. Some days I don't feel it, but I always know it.
I don't really know what the point of this post is, except that it's a reminder for me to make my religion "less of a theory and more a love affair" (G.K. Chesterton). It's less about living by strict rules and guidelines of what's right and wrong, and more about living with an open heart full of love and mercy.
Because that's what I've learned--growing in faith requires letting yourself fall in love with God, and Him with you. It's a good thing to remember as we get closer to Christmas. The holidays aren't about the things we get each other, the fun and crazy parties, the decorations, or the crazy-good shopping deals. The holidays are about a baby, a baby whose Mother opened her heart completely to God and He filled her womb with His Life. I can only imagine how desperately in love the mother of God was when she first held the Savior in her arms. To have grown the Son of God within her, to look upon his face--there could be no greater beauty, no truer love.
This divine romance is one we are all called to, to embrace Christ in every moment of our lives, to allow Him to grow within us and consume us. I aspire.
